Credit: RDNE Stock project
Like many parents, I’ve been cautious about giving my children access to phones. I’ve warned them about the mental health perils of social media, digital addiction, about becoming “zombies” lost in screens. But I hadn’t acknowledged the contradiction: I was constantly on my own phone. I’d scroll while eating meals, cooking dinner, waiting in the carpool line, even while watching a movie with my kids.
My 10-year-old daughter had noticed. And her question — “How come you get to be on your phone all the time, but I’m the one being told it’s bad and I should pay attention?” — was fair. If I wanted her to build healthy habits, I had to start with myself.
So I did. I began limiting my own screen time, not just for her sake, but for mine.
This fall, as students return to classrooms, educators — and parents — will grapple with the same question: How much cellphone time is too much? In a rare moment of bipartisan agreement, lawmakers are also responding to growing concerns about how smartphones are affecting children’s learning, mental health, and relationships. Thirty-one states have limited or banned student cellphone use in schools or are planning to.
Lawmakers aren’t alone in their concern. Educators are increasingly frustrated with students being distracted by their cellphones while in class. A recent Pew poll found that 74% of adults support cellphone bans during class in middle and high schools.
As students continue to struggle academically since the pandemic, researchers have pointed to rising cellphone and social media use as a possible culprit, with recent data suggesting that nearly half of teens are online almost constantly. In a national conversation among education researchers last month, the group called for an urgent investigation into how these devices affect student learning and well-being.
But here’s the thing: If we want these bans to work, we need to look beyond the classroom. We need to look at ourselves. Because the truth is, our kids aren’t the only ones distracted. We are too.
And we’re not just distracted — we’re overwhelmed. Parents today are facing a quiet epidemic of loneliness. According to the 2023 Stress in America survey, parents were more likely than other adults to feel isolated by stress and unable to function. And in the middle of all this, we’re turning to our phones — not for connection, but for escape.
But escape comes at a cost. Research shows that the mental and emotional health of parents is closely tied to that of their children. When parents are glued to their phones, they’re more stressed and model anti-social behaviors for children. When parents spend time on their phones, they talk less to their children, are less responsive to children’s efforts to be seen and heard, and can even respond harshly with anger or frustration.
We’re not just hurting our kids’ development; we’re hurting our own well-being. Social media has turned parenting into a performance, and many of us are stuck in a cycle of comparison and burnout. We scroll through curated feeds of perfect vacations, spotless homes and smiling children, only to feel inadequate and disconnected from our own lives.
Unrestricted access to technology has also led Americans to spend more time alone — especially parents, who often find themselves isolated while caring for their children. Yet these trends are at odds with what kids need to move away from spending time on screens. A 2025 Harris Poll found that, given the choice, children prefer unstructured, in-person play with friends over screen time.
When I stepped away from my cellphone and social media apps, I noticed something surprising: I felt better, and I did not miss it.
I was more present. I could focus. My brain felt sharper. I rediscovered simple joys that were not share-worthy — walking, reading, writing, drinking coffee in silence. I started calling people again. I made plans to meet up.
My relationship with my kids changed. I stopped just telling them to be present; I started showing them that connection takes time, attention and consistently showing up.
Gone are the days when my brain was split in so many directions, with the weight of the world demanding my attention all at once. Multitasking with phones, which is common among both students and parents, can impair working memory that is essential for learning and focus. If we want our kids to thrive, we need to create environments that support deep attention. That means at school, yes — but also at home.
I’m not advocating for the complete abandonment of cellphones. As a mom of a child with a rare health condition, I’ve found support and community online with other parents on the same journey. Like many Americans, I rely on social media for news, especially to hear perspectives that are not covered in the mainstream media. I also use apps to manage my life. Cellphones can be powerful tools, but they shouldn’t run our lives.
While evidence on the impacts of cellphone bans in schools is limited, largely because these policies are so new, early results are promising. Banning cellphones can improve student grades, especially among lower-achieving students (see here, here, and here). Surprisingly, students show increased support for cellphone bans once these policies are in place. Kids aren’t hopelessly addicted. They’re open to change when we show them a better way.
The movement to limit phones in schools isn’t just about test scores. It’s about reclaiming our attention, our relationships, our joy, our humanity. It’s about teaching our kids that fulfillment doesn’t come from a screen, but from being present.
By limiting cellphone access, schools are charting new ground and seeking a healthier equilibrium for society. As parents, we have a role to play in helping our children get there.
It starts with us looking in the mirror — and putting down our phones.
•••
Ayesha K. Hashim is a senior research scientist at NWEA, an organization that supports students and educators in more than 146 countries through research, assessment solutions, and professional learning.
The opinions expressed in this commentary represent those of the author. EdSource welcomes commentaries representing diverse points of view. If you would like to submit a commentary, please review our guidelines and contact us.